The one HUGE advantage of any expats in the world is being able to use where one has moved to as a base to that region, and visit all the places one has only heard of or see photographs of. This one, we intend to EXPLOIT :)
As anyone who has pretty much packed their bags and left the luxurious comforts of their homes to just start from scratch elsewhere, would know or had experience what this article by BBC mentioned - "The Emotional Rollercoaster". Probably some more than others or even barely noticeable for some.. I may be classified as a "serial mover" according to the article, from a personal note, here is how I cope with the roller coaster:
- Keep an open mind and observe Everything is N.E.W. :) So sit back and watch, listen to what the locals are saying, observe what are they doing and ask the ones who seems to be happy to share. In the initial phase, you may thank the ones that we normally feel - overshare. Get to know what are the norms (from "do you wear your shoes into someone's house" to "how to act, or what to bring to someone's house, who has kindly invited you to a home cooked meal" ), do note down what is different and ask someone you already know or like aforementioned, friendly caring-is-sharing soul. You may learn and understand what is behind certain actions or words. For me, knowing and understanding helps to lessen the uncertainty of "everything is new", thus making it easier to adapt or even accept.
- Keep expectations to minimal This is hard. Wherever one may have come from, the mentality of "grass is always greener on the other side" is very tricky to combat. When one is anticipating a move, one could be counting all the cons if staying and could be subconsciously gearing up all the pros of the move. It's quite normal to have thoughts of When I'm There - "Goodbye heat/cold!" "I'm never gonna have to be squashed like sandwich on the train" " "I'll have a great job, live in a nice white house with a dog, meet the man/lady of my life and have a ball!" Thing is... most of the time, reality doesn't tailor itself for anyone. So. Have the thoughts but also be aware one will only know for sure when one is there - maybe only after a year, would one be able to conclude if their expectations are met.
- Say Yes Not to strangers that passed by on the road and asked if you'd like to head back to their place for a whatever. That could turn out to be dangerous :p But if a colleague, a new friend, a classmate, or even the boss, basically someone you know after sometime, invites you to a family event, a day-drive to a bonfire at a nearby camp site, help out at a community event, a Christmas tree event with a taste of a traditional food, by all means say YES! Get out there, experience the local thang - these experiences are priceless and lets you get behind-the-scenes, lets you get to know people and do things you'd never do by yourself.
- Then say No SO.. after the fifth Christmas dinner, yeah..it's safe to say you'd have experienced most of the traditional dishes, enough local celebratory traditions to fill the diary with and contented with the number of friends you've made. If one needs some time for oneself, go for it. Balance the social interactions, which can take a toll especially when one is new to town/job/language. After having a taste, take a break and decide if you'd like to go for more. Be honest and decline gracefully, always be grateful for the invite :)
- Feel Feel. Simply let your feelings run its' course, acknowledge what you are feeling and understand why. It may be a euphoric feeling plainly because everything is new. For me, meeting new friendly people always leave me with a feel-good bubbly feeling. Like, there is hope for this world after all, because there are still such nice people on Earth! But next moment, the cold, deafeningly-quiet apartment, can crush those happy feelings. And, at those times, the ache one can experience from homesick, or just being alone could drive one to entertain thoughts of packing up and head home. When I have a bad enough homesick episode, I'll entertain myself and plan for my next flight home. Other times, I'd be thinking "OMG, how dumb/crazy can I be to move here? I could be home right now and all this wouldn't be happening!", especially when you're on all four with your nose clipped, half soaked in gunky yucky drain-water that backed up in the shower area, trying to fix it yourself because no one works on a Sunday. And the shower area episode did happen, just not as exaggerated, but you get the drift.. I was angry, even felt bitter when things happen but I also know it is normal. It is part of a change, whether I like it or not, not everything new means better or better immediately. And I've also learnt that sticking through all the nasties, I celebrate and enjoy the goodies much much more.
- Give oneself reasonable time frame to settle down This one is tricky - one could have saved a town and still have the possibility of doing more - like save a city after. Yeap, too much drama-series for moi.. :p Thing is know when is enough, it is very much like exercising with a personal trainer. "COME ON! STttrRrrETCccH! AND ONE MORE! YOU CAN DO IT! BREATHE AND GIVE ME FIFTEEN MORE! GO!!" So, how much do you push yourself to achieve what within a certain time frame, is up to you. Personally, I've had certain could-haves in the past but didn't have the guts or desire to grasp and make the most out of those opportunities. Now, if I could reflect at the end of the day and say "hey, I did good :)", I'm good with myself and I'll move on or move back home, even. Coming from a headhunting background, I always observed for anyone who had made a career move locally or geographically, it normally takes about 6-12months for the person to have had some experience of their new role, the changes in the work environment and how the move influences the living environment. So know what are one's limits and how much time to invest in achieving what one has set out to experience or achieve, remember to stick to it. If you find that you've fallen in love with your new home, feel free to make an extension :)
I'm sure many of you guys out there have your own coping tips, feel free to share them. It always help to know one is not alone in what they are experiencing :)
Adios, and happy 2012,
ABE